Weightlifting: A Tool to Confront Insecurities, Not Avoid Them
A MENtal Strength series article—click here for the articles home page.
Most men recognize weightlifting as essential to becoming who they want to be. It’s a vital part of their routine that helps them feel strong, capable, and more in control of their lives. Yet, from my experience as a therapist, I’ve noticed a common pattern: men who are confident in the gym still grapple with insecurity, especially in relationships. They might feel powerful under the barbell, but they’re less sure of themselves when navigating emotional dynamics, often seeking validation from their partners.
Why does this disconnect happen? Some men use physical activities—whether weightlifting, playing guitar, or working on cars—as a way to distract themselves from their deeper insecurities. Instead of confronting fears of rejection or inadequacy, they "zone out" through these hobbies. Sure, it offers temporary relief, but it doesn’t get to the root of the issue. Let’s be real: your hobby shouldn’t be a way to avoid your insecurities but a space to face them head-on.
Facing Insecurities and Acting on Your Values
The solution to insecurity isn’t avoiding it—it’s learning to tolerate and own it. When you take confident ownership of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, their meanings change. Running from discomfort only gives it more control over your life. If you want to stop acting out of insecurity, it starts with recognizing what you're feeling instead of distracting yourself from it.
Emotions like insecurity, fear, or frustration are just part of being human. You can’t escape them by focusing on something else. But you can train yourself to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and use your activities to show that feeling your emotions doesn’t inhibit your ability to function. The next time you pick up a dumbbell or a wrench, don’t just bury your feelings in the task—let them exist and see what happens when you stay present with them. The goal is emotional resilience, not emotional avoidance.
This concept is aligned with the teachings of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), particularly the “Dropping Anchor” technique, as outlined by Russ Harris in The Happiness Trap. Dropping anchor is about staying grounded and focused on the present moment, even when strong emotions arise. When you’re lifting weights or engaging in a hobby, you can use this same strategy—acknowledge the emotions without letting them pull you away from what you’re doing.
Use Weightlifting for Emotional Resilience
To turn weightlifting—or any hobby—from an escape into a tool for growth, start with one simple mindset shift: willingness. Don’t go to the gym, garage, or practice session just to tune out the world. Bring your frustrations and insecurities with you, and be willing to let them exist as part of the process. Here’s how to make it work:
Acknowledge your emotions – Before you hit your first rep or pick up that guitar, check in with yourself. Are you stressed about a fight with your partner? Feeling underappreciated at work? Accept those emotions as real without trying to judge or fix them.
Engage your body – While lifting or playing, focus on your movements, breathing, and rhythm. Keep yourself grounded in the task at hand, giving your emotions permission to come along for the ride. This isn’t about pushing them away—it’s about noticing that feeling your emotions doesn’t interfere with your ability to move skillfully and mindfully.
Engage your senses – Pause, breathe, and look around you. Notice what you see, hear, and feel. This mindful engagement helps you recognize that feeling your emotions doesn’t hinder your ability to focus and act with intention.
Over time, you’ll become confident that while you’re not in control of your thoughts and feelings, you are always in control of your body and focus. That’s the key: your thoughts and feelings don’t dictate whether you can engage your body and focus well—they don’t control your ability to act in line with what really matters to you.
This practice trains you to face your emotions instead of running from them. You’ll notice that your insecurity has less of a hold over your actions, allowing you to respond more in line with your core values rather than reacting to fear.
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Do This with Other Hobbies
This principle applies beyond weightlifting. Take working on cars, for example. You could use it as an escape, zoning out and avoiding the tough conversations you need to have. Or, you can allow the frustration from that argument with your partner to be present as you tinker with the engine. Focus on the task, but let the emotions be there too. You’re training yourself to acknowledge them without needing validation or distraction.
Playing guitar? Same deal. Maybe you're frustrated with feeling overlooked or undervalued. As you practice, don’t just use the music to distract yourself—play while owning those feelings. Strum while staying engaged with what's bothering you. It's not about forcing the emotions to go away; it's about proving to yourself that you don’t need to hide from them. This isn’t about running from discomfort—it’s about leaning into it.
Facing Relationship Insecurities
Let’s talk about relationships. Many men seek validation from their partners, which can lead to moments of insecurity—especially when their efforts don’t get the response they crave. Instead of letting that need for approval drive your behavior, start by confronting it during your workout or hobby time. As you lift or play, notice that nagging voice that wants approval. Own it. Acknowledge it. But don’t let it take the wheel. The more you practice this, the less control that insecurity will have over your actions.
When you stop chasing validation, you can finally start making decisions that align with your values—like respect, integrity, and self-worth. By using your hobbies—whether it’s working on cars, weightlifting, or playing guitar—you’re not just building a skill or your body; you’re also building emotional strength. The more you own your feelings, the less they control you, allowing you to show up in your relationships, your hobbies, and your life with purpose.
Insecurity is an unavoidable part of the human condition. So when you try to avoid it, it doesn’t work. But when you own it, it changes. Through weightlifting, hobbies, and an awareness of how you approach your emotions, you can change your experience, by learning to accept and even embrace the less comfortable parts of yourself. The result? Not only will you build physical strength, but you'll develop emotional resilience and a sense of control over your life.
Michael Giles LCSW is a psychotherapist who specializes in helping men overcoming anxiety, heal from trauma, and repair their relationships.
Click here to schedule a consultation.
Click here to read about his book, Relationship Repair for Men: Counterintuitive behaviors that restore love to struggling relationships.
